Sebby (luvseb) wrote,

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it's gonna drive me crazy

this morning i woke up on prin and meg's couch. i felt sick as shit.

i've been talking a lot to michael about how much i've been crying lately. i dunno. i love to cry. it really makes me feel human as if i have feelings, emotions, and passions that i feel are so absent in our world. i just feel very alone in my world right now. i'm so stuck in this fishbowl right now with people all my age with such limited experiences. i can't deal with the immaturity sometimes. i like to think i'm definitely in a different strain than most people... i'm struggling for the questions of life, the questions of art, understand my role in the world and the world itself.. wondering what makes everything tick... just constantly asking questions and trying to change myself, better myself... figuring out how to wake up people and bring them to a state of consciousness. i think that's why i'm so drawn to religion, and the philosophies of the world. i love reading. i love reading books, encyclopedias and soaking up all the knowledge i can. and i get overwhelmed a lot. with just the thought of trying to take in everything around me... to reach that complete state of consciousness. there is so much pain and suffering. there is so much beauty. there is so much life. and because of that, i don't care about the meaningless things about life. i don't care about the day to day struggle. there are such bigger things to life than myself and my being. and because of this i say, the world would not occur without the boredom of the rich.

i need to find a matchmaker.
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